The Sunday Times                    23 March 2008

By Melanie McFadyean

Kerry Grist’s first child, Ben Needham, vanished in 1991 on the Greek island of Kos, where the family was living. Despite hundreds of possible sightings of Ben over the years, he has never been found and his disappearance remains a mystery. Three years after losing him, Kerry had her daughter, Leighanna, who is now 14. Kerry, 36, works as a receptionist at her husband Craig Grist’s fencing company. She lives with him and Leighanna in Ecclesfield, just north of Sheffield

KERRY: I was 19 and living on Kos with my parents when Ben disappeared. He was 21 months old then. Ben’s father and I were advised that having another baby would ease the pain. But I had mixed emotions about having another child, because while Ben was missing I knew there’d be times I’d have to put one child before the other.

Three years later I had Leighanna. My relationship with their father was extremely rocky, and we separated when Leighanna was two weeks old. I’d loved her instantly when she was born, but it took a while to bond. I was pleased she was a girl; a boy would have been more difficult, because he wouldn’t have been Ben. But having another baby did not take away the pain. I couldn’t cope. So, when she was 19 months old, Leighanna went to live with my mum and dad.

Wherever I went I was “Ben Needham’s mum”, and I just wanted to be me. When I got a job in a nightclub, my parents were furious. They thought I was being selfish and just wanted to party, but it wasn’t like that. I needed to find me. Looking back, I think I had a breakdown without knowing it, and I had to fight my way out of it in my own way. And having friends who didn’t see me just as Ben Needham’s mum made me feel like a person again.

I didn’t see Leighanna or my family for a few months, but once I felt I’d retrieved my identity I wanted her back. As soon as I walked into my mum’s house, Leighanna looked at me and said: “Mummy!” And I thought: “This is me — I’m Leighanna’s mum.” She brought me laughter and fun. She was very similar to Ben, and that made me happy because I could imagine what he’d be like.

It’s been difficult not to smother Leighanna, to give her as normal a life as possible. I had to let her do things normal kids do, even if I didn’t want to.

If she went for a sleepover I’d be thinking: “What if someone breaks in and takes her?” I knew I had to stop myself thinking “What if?” or I’d make her paranoid. When she wasn’t around, it was like part of me was missing, but I couldn’t let her see that, and I had to let her become independent. She’s lived in the shadow of Ben’s disappearance, and she has to deal with that, but she shouldn’t be living in the shadow of my paranoia as well.

I find it hard to discipline her. I allow her to get away with things because she’s been through too much. I’ve only lost my temper with her once. That was about going to a teenage nightclub on a school night. It didn’t finish until 10.30. She said: “I’m only not allowed to go because Ben’s disappeared.” But that wasn’t why — it was because it’s not safe and it’s too late on a school night. Now she’s a teenager I have the usual worries, but the fear of losing her in the shadow of Ben’s disappearance has lifted. I’m stronger now and I can deal with Ben’s case without getting hysterical or depressed. I got married two years ago and that’s helped me feel more settled.

ITN asked me go to Kos last May because of the McCann case. Leighanna wanted to come, but I thought: “This devastates me, so how’s it going to affect her, a 13-year-old child?” But I gave in because she demanded to go. She wants to be involved. And actually it helped having her there, as I had to be strong. When someone shouted abuse at me, Leighanna screamed at her: “How dare you speak to my mother like that!” I was really proud of her. It was very emotional.

I think Leighanna and I have a stronger bond than lots of mothers and daughters. She makes me happy; she makes my life worth living. And there’s a lot of respect because of what we’ve been through together. Leighanna’s like me.

 I see myself in her. She’s got a mouth on her. But I’m really proud of her — I admire her for how she is and how she deals with it all. She’s a really good kid.

LEIGHANNA: My upbringing hasn’t been normal — there’s times when it seems I’m a normal person, but there’s always that little bit of me where there’s Ben. My mum told me about him when I was about five. Other kids picked on me until a couple of years ago. They’d come out with snidey comments. They’d say, “I know where your brother is,” just to see my reaction. I had a fight with a girl once — a hearse went past and she said: “For all you know your brother could be in there.” My friend had to drag me off her. I was about 11. Mum would go into school. She’s always protected me. Once I dreamt that private investigators had found his body and he was dead. I told my mum and she comforted me. She said: “We know that’s not true. I don’t think he’s dead.” There’s not a day goes by when Ben isn’t mentioned, and that doesn’t bother me. But when we get press around, I get put in the background. It used to happen a lot.

I’ve grown up in Ben’s shadow. There have been newspaper articles saying my mum said she didn’t know if she could love me as much as Ben. I used to get really upset about it, because I thought: “I’m not the one she loves more than anyone else” — even though

I know Mum loves me as much as she loves Ben. I’ve only talked to her about it once, and it didn’t solve anything because we got very emotional.

My life’s different from other kids. They haven’t had a camera in their face since they can remember. My mum tries to protect me from it and make my life as normal as possible. But she stops me going out late — after 10.30 Mum is frightened the same thing that happened to Ben’s going to happen to me. She’s got reasons to be frightened because of what happened. I understand, but I argue. I’m like my mum — mouthy. And I don’t want to live in Ben’s shadow. I’ve spoken to my mum about it and she says I’m not in his shadow. Sometimes I feel angry because he’s not here. It’s weird having a brother who’s not here — you don’t know where he is or even who he is. Even he probably doesn’t know who he is.

I remember doing a reconstruction for TV of where Ben went missing in Kos, when I was 21 months old — the same age he was when he vanished. They took me to where he disappeared. I remember a cameraman in front of me waving a duck for me to follow. I had all my hair cut to look like Ben. I’ve looked at the photos of him and me at the same age and we look identical. It’s strange to know my brother wandered off or was stolen. When my mum was going back to Kos with ITN last year, I wanted to go to support her. When we were there it sent shivers down my spine that my brother had been there, and we met people who knew him, and yet I’ve never met him. A woman whose mother knew my family said horrible things to us about why Ben went missing. I shouted at her because I don’t want my mum to get hurt more than she already is. My mum’s been through hell dragged backwards. It’s made us closer than most girls and their mums. We’ve got a special bond, even though it’s sometimes hard to talk about things, and I can’t tell her everything I want to. Sometimes she knows how I feel, so I don’t need to tell her. But other times she doesn’t know, and I should tell her, but I can’t because I’d cry and it would make her cry. Sometimes the more we talk about things, the more upsetting it gets. But as I’ve got more mature we can talk about things we couldn’t when I was younger — boys and girlie things.

My mum has made my life as great as she could. She’s very loving and she’s always there for me when I need her. She’s kind and generous and she’s got good taste in clothes and she’s beautiful and she’s fun. She makes me laugh — she’s playful and giddy. She never stops talking, like me. When I’m on my own with her I love that, although I like my stepdad. He’s made my mum happy. And if she’s happy, I’m happy. When she’s upset, I’m upset. And I’ve seen her very upset — probably more than most children.

 

 

A member of our family was approached by a TV company and was asked how we would feel if we were asked to sell our rights for a film about Ben's abduction, like the one the McCann couple are considering, as stated by their spokesman, who was quoted saying:

"The media are making money out of the situation themselves and we feel it is only fair and right that some aspect of that should come to the fund to help find Madeleine"

All members of the Needham family are usually willing participants when it involves publicity about Ben's abduction.

In fact we have participated in 2 documentaries for British TV stations.

Our first documentary was with the Carlton ITV and its title was "Somebody Knows"

The second one was done by "Cutting Edge" for Channel 4 and its title was "The Lost Boy".

In both cases, we never received any payment, none was asked and none was offered. If we were aked to sell our rights to any kind of commercial movie while Ben is still missing, we would flatly refuse.

Ben is a human being, NOT a commodity, to be sold around for profit.

The Needham family

 

We understand that journalists have a job to do, but in our experience of 16 years working along side every British TV, Newspaper and Magazine there is, we do believe we have the right to reply to this article, because it misinforms the public.

Ms. Sarler

Firstly let us say that Ben was abducted he didn't just disappear, and if as you have stated in your column you have investigated Ben's case, you should have known the difference.

Yes! Ben played outside the doorway of the shack as you call it.

As a matter of fact, it was an old farmhouse that needed rebuilding.

There was no door or shutters or even windows.

Therefore, Ben had not been shut out of the house to play on his own.

Ben was in and out collecting water and food every few seconds.

Stephen was already at the farmhouse working with Eddie.

It was only when Eddie told Stephen, there was nothing more they could do that day without building materials, that Stephen left.

Yes!!! Ben was still outside at this time playing in the dirt with his toy cars like any normal little boy.

He did look up to see Stephen leaving and Stephen did tell him to stay there with Granddad.

Please Ms. Sarler, hold on to your own thought!

With hind sight yes Stephen could have picked him up and taken Ben inside, but why would anyone think like that.

If Ben wanted to wonder off on his own he could have done so already!

When Christine realised Ben was quiet (only a few moments after Stephen had gone) not 10 or even 5 minutes for that matter, she did NOT assume straight away that Stephen had taken Ben with him.

It was only after Christine, Eddie and the owner of the farmhouse searched the surrounding areas, shouted his name for half an hour or so that they came to this conclusion.

The time that Ben vanished was just after Stephen had left at around 2.30pm.

This is known to the authorities.

And even then Christine & Eddie, did not think "oh well let's go back inside to eat and chat". NO!!!

Christine was mad with Stephen for not telling them, so she went straight home walking with an empty pram just incase she passed them coming back.

It was not 5 hours before police were informed either, this is what the police and the abductors would like everyone to think.

True Ms. Sarler, as you must compared us with the McCanns, we do believe you are right.

We do not have friends in... high places.

We do not employ media managers and others to manage our affairs.

We do not have a multimillion pound Ltd. Company, in Ben's name to use as we please.

You are right Ms. Sarler, the British Embasy, "did not get off their butt, to support or help us" in any way, shape or form.

Dear Ms. Sarler you forgot to add that we did not even get a mention from any PM either.

We agree that everyone is entitled to an opinion, but only if one knows the facts and admitts to them.

We are totally familiar with the Kos police officers slunder.

Christine had a drink too many? That's really laughable.

Anyone who knows Christine, does know, there are two things she completely despises and that's drinking & offensive language.

We admit Ms. Sarler, Eddie has been drunk on occasions, after Ben was abducted and usually around the date of the abduction and on Ben's birthday.

Now the real beef, Ms. Sarler. Young Kerry was an unmarried slut.

For your information, Kerry loved her little son more than life and she was working to support him.

It is also a well known fact to those who really investigate reality, that the illegal adoptions of children is very much alive and well around the world and not the figment of someone's imagination.

As far as Greece is concerned, it has a long and dirty history. 

Ben's abduction was no accident I assure you, nor did he have an accident.

Eddie & Christine were not negligent in anyway whilst looking after Ben.

Yes they do feel the guilt like any normal person would, but they have nothing to be ashamed of.

They checked on Ben continuously!

How far could a 21 month old go by himself? Not very far considering the ground there is too rough and has remained the same after all those years.

Eddie & Christine did not leave it 5 hours before looking for him as you state in your article.

Ms. Sarler you state you are entitled to make a judgement on Ben's fate.

We are really glad you just stood there, three times.

That is all you have done Ms. Sarler and along with the police slunder does not entitle you to any kind of judgement.

Where on earth did you see the lethal stretch of terrain with waist high scrub and crevasses?

Dear Ms. Sarler, have you confused Kos island with some other place?

Apart from the scenery, the corrupt Kos police, "forgot" to inform you that there have been witnesses statements, there was a white car parked near by, with one woman in the back and two men in the front.

The police themselves, have given us the name of the white car owner.

The owner of the car is a woman who had a close relationship with a certain police officer and was brought in to translate for us, thus controling the investigation itself.

When we ourselves confronted the woman with this fact, she denied her car was roadworthy at the time of Ben's abduction, namely July 24, 1991.

She lied and told us she had returned her car to the government in order to claim a subsidy.

True, but she had applied for it in October and it was approved in November.

Have you seen the documents Ms. Sarler?

Have you seen any witnesses statements at all?

We do not plan to show you any!!!

There has never been an investigation as to her whereabouts that fateful day.

It was all too easy for her to abduct Ben.

This woman knew how the police would react, especially when she told them about Kerry's unmarried mother status.

Another thing Ms. Sarler, how do you know when searches took place to find Ben?

Were you on Kos and somehow we did not see you, or this is what you have been told by the Kos police, the same police who botched and covered up the investigation in order to save their criminal friend and their island?

If Ben had wondered off during the afternoon and fell down he would have been heard crying.

If he had got stuck somewhere he would have been heard and what's more Ben would have heard his Nanny and granddad shouting his name.

A very scared little boy who have hurt himself, the whole village would have heard his screams.

There is an echo right there, Ms. Sarler, or you didn't notice that either?

But... you have investigated and you are entitled to tell the world!!!

Ben did not vanish on his own.

He was ABDUCTED Ms. Sarler.

Last but not least Ms. Slarer, apart from the police slunder to cover their own corruption, no member of the Needham family ever became a criminal suspect. This is not a class matter.

But it... becomes one, whenever climinal suspects are treated like celebrities.

May we suggest that in the future, you stick with reality and if you don't know the whole story, be really careful.

Next time around we will answer you with a lawsuit.

The Needham Family